Abby Jane: Notes App Diaries

gilmore girls, ordering batteries, and some late night thoughts

I like writing at night. Not always, but sometimes before bed I am thinking about anything and everything. I’m that meme of the girl who is falling asleep on the couch, but the moment she gets in her bed…she is ready to think about her to-do list for the next four months. Literally my last thought before this was that we need to order new air filters and it’s probably also time to buy more batteries? I don’t have my tsa pre-check updated, therefore, no global entry for one particular trip that is in a year. Oh, and I need to order chips and salsa and some balloons for a pool party.

I wish Substack had a way to type drafts on the iPhone app, because right now it’s 12am and I’m usually asleep by 10, but Troy is out of town and I get afraid of dying alone. So here I am. I’m writing this in my notes app so I can avoid being afraid. I will copy and paste it to my desktop computer tomorrow morning like I’m getting paid more than 5 dollars to do it.

I’m sure there is a reason why you can’t type drafts on the app? Maybe it’s to encourage people to use computers instead of phones, and you know what, I respect that. Maybe it’s to save the app from people like me who just go offffff in their drafts from time to time. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I don’t know how to use the app? That’s a strong possibility, but also I’d find it rather shocking. I’m not arguing, but there’s no way I’m going to lay horizontal with my laptop on my stomach, squinting my tiny little tired eyes and lifting my neck to an upright double chin position every time I need to look up to the one or two letters I just could never quite memorize in school. I want to type in my little iPhone just for tonight.

I’ve wanted to start Gilmore girls. Never seen it, but I thought it was time to get it going. It’s a show you start in the fall I’ve heard? So, I’m starting it in the fall like I’ve been told. So far I am obsessed with everything about it. Probably will have more to say about this.

I’m also planning to read the book “Wintering”. It sounds really cute, but actually I think it’s a book you read when you’re in agony. I think it is about learning how to cope and how to comfort yourself when you’re experiencing difficult hardship during the dark and cold months. To be honest, I don’t actually know this for sure, so don’t take my word for it, but I’m almost positive that’s what I think it’s going to be about. I will be checking in on that, probably on my Soft Cuts newsletter under pondering. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it light hearted for the ones who feel uncomfortable talking about grief. It will take me from now until the spring to read it, because I don’t read often. So, I will add the book link here, when I am able to link the author through the Substack desktop.

I’m already excited about my coffee tomorrow. It’s crazy to think that I didn’t drink coffee until half way through my corporate job out of college. What did I do in college? I guess I found coffee out of desperation. I was so bored some days that I would go to the bathroom just to do jumping jacks and give myself pep talks in the mirror. I fired someone almost every day and I have no idea how, because I get anxious at just the thought of hurting anyone’s feelings. It was my alter ego. I wore pant suits. I didn’t give a. I actually did. But, I hid it well. I was recruiting for a whole department and for like 12 dollars an hour. I love coffee now and I can finally say that I appreciate it. Probably because I’m not working in corporate.

I only need one a day and I prefer it to be cold. So cold that it hurts. I need to feel the cold coffee for a total of 30 seconds after I take a sip of it. I wish I liked it hot. I’d feel way too cute about it for my own good. Maybe Gilmore girls will change me. Maybe Substack will turn me into a cozy coffee drinker. Maybe when I have kids, I won’t be able to be so picky about it.

I am anticipating that I’ll be tired when I wake up, because it’s late and my eyes automatically open and my brain starts running sooooo early and for no reason. I like mornings too much and I hate missing out on them. I have a chiropractor appointment at 9:15, but I will be awake and probably the most tender I’ve ever been around 6am.

Something I’ve truly wondered so many times, is why I say “like” so much when I’m talking. It’s usually only when I am explaining something. Like, l say it a lot. It’s not because I don’t know something, it is because I am thinking way too much before I speak. Just say it! Stir the pot a little! Also, where do you put commas? I think I have a pretty good idea, but sometimes I’m not confident about it. If I think I need one based on my speaking or I am just questioning myself, I’ll usually throw one in for good measure. Shouldn’t we kind of get to choose, since we are the ones saying stuff? When I see commas in other people’s stuff, I don’t really argue in my head with them about it. I will always think, they are right. That is right.

And another thing. How long do you commit to the chiropractor? Do I go for the rest of my life? Feels wrong to stop now. All that time and then just cold turkey. Add that together plus therapy, plus EMDR, plus maybe acupuncture from time to time, plus maybe one day physical therapy, plus working out, plus pilates, plus TMJ massages, plus sauna, plus the occasional facial, and I can’t see anyone anymore! I’m completely booked up to wellness. But a girls got to do what a girls got to do to keep her bones in line.

I listened to an updated master of my next single that is going to be coming out in October. It is exciting and I am also scared what my 20 fans will think about it. Last time I listened to it I gave myself the ick and today I listened and I was really proud of it. Funny how that happens. I think we are all hard on ourselves and sometimes we can’t see the good things or the better version of ourselves. It probably happens when we are thinking negative things or struggling or holding ourselves to a standard that maybe no one else even is. I think it’s good to be a little hard on ourselves though. Balance. Comparison is a thief. They really keep on telling us.

I try not to listen to bounces and updates too much. Taking space from the project and the songs is way more helpful to me when making notes or figuring out how I feel about the direction. I could sit on these songs forever and make changes forever, but I’m not getting any younger. Also, taking a break helps me to keep my mind right, because I can get stuck in my own head a lot. You see, if I got paid to be in my head as much as I am on a daily basis, I’d be a millionaire. I never would have worked in corporate. I probably wouldn’t say like all the time. I’d see the Chiropractor til the day I die. They’d come to my house and I wouldn’t have to drive to the 7th floor of the parking garage for my appointment. And if I got paid not to care what anyone thought, I’d be a billionaire. I’d be so rich that I’d probably be in my head about it.

I need to wrap this up and do something important. Like sleep. This photo is not me flipping off the camera, I am just putting on lip stick. I always put a dab on my nose for a flushed look. Tips and tricks.

I will end with an encouraging message…..

You probably have a lot to say on here. What you create and what you want to create is always worth your time.

Love,

Abby Jane