Showing Both Sides

The meaning behind my new single

I just released a new single yesterday, the day before Valentine’s Day! Happy Valentine’s Day to those reading this right now! I thought about avoiding this date for a release because, I am a florist and am busy this week. But, I just sat down after a long day of floral work and am refreshed to write this. When you think about it, it doesn’t take up that much time to drop a song. Just to make it lol. To be honest though, figuring out all of my promo and stuff takes more time and emotional turmoil than I’d like to admit. I have a complete vision for every song, and this entire project as a whole, so executing that with several jobs on my plate can be challenging to juggle if I don’t make enough time in advance. I didn’t for this one, but we made it by and I am proud of it.

My dear friend Victoria took these film photos of me on a trip to France. We were staying on a property that had the most beautiful garden. I knew I wanted to get a few looks in the garden because it fits in well with the direction of the project I am building. I can't wait to share more about the theme and overall looks for my upcoming album. My hope is to really tie everything all together.

I am just trying to create and be consistent with releases, and Both Sides feels like it pairs well with Valentine’s Day. It isn’t really the most romantic song in the world, but the meaning of the song runs deep and speaks about the realness you might desire in a relationship. And to me, nothing feels more romantic.

Showing the lyrics from my journal so you can read them as you listen. Wishing you luck, my handwriting is kind of wild.

You can listen here ^ or here haha.

I feel like Both Sides is slightly inspired by my past sound in my duo pop band,Breakup. If you haven’t listened, check it out. It is so nostalgic to me. There are so many melodies and sounds in Both Sides that sound like that era, and it feels like me in so many ways. I wanted the mix of a lyric-driven song with something to say, but also just wanted the song to feel like a vibe on the album. That feeling of, “Yeah, I want you to accept me for me. Yeah, I want the real stuff and I’m feeling good about myself while I’m singing it.”

I wanted the song to feel upbeat and synth-driven even though it is an emotional song. I wanted a mix of real studio drums and some electronic drums. Sounds and music I am inspired by. I also wanted it to feel sweet. I feel like we found that a little with the specific melody, chords, and tag at “you can show me both sides” at the end of each chorus. Kind of concluding to an “aw.”

Production and mixing looked like Asher knowing exactly how to do what he does best. We actually started this song and named it Two Truths and wrote completely different lyrics and melodies. I ended up not liking the direction of the lyrics or melodies anymore so we re-worked the song a couple times and re-wrote the lyrics. I don’t think either of us felt connected to Two Truths on the album until we re-worked it. I am so happy with how it turned out. I am so glad we took the time even though it felt hard for a second. This is your reminder to trust your gut!

I think the realness of love doesn’t just apply to your significant other. I think it applies to family and friendships, too. I have learned that strong relationships require honesty and vulnerability. At times, they can be really hard work and also probably shouldn’t require an unhealthy amount of it. You might not have the option to be vulnerable within your family, and so maybe you wish and long for that. Ultimately, I don’t think every relationship is meant to be super deep, but I think the ones you want the most, and have that mutual access to, do require a realness that is just different than a surface level companionship.

The most meaningful relationships in my life have grown deeper by being met with intentionality. I have also had to learn to meet people there. It hasn’t always been natural to me and I still have to learn. I find that when I can show up authentically with someone and be honest about my real emotions through pain, joy, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the embarrassing, there really is nothing more life-giving than that genuine support through life.

When I sat down to write this song I was deep in the middle of my grief and struggling to feel connected to the present. I don’t remember much of last year, to be honest, but I remember putting a lot of energy (maybe too much) into work, flowers, and music. Exciting things were happening in my creative life. I was surprised I actually felt more connected to myself creatively than I ever have. I thought about how difficult it felt to really pinpoint and express my feelings with my spouse and my close friends. I didn’t know how to explain what I needed or what I was feeling. When feelings are fresh, sometimes it is just what it is. Sometimes you don’t need to explain or express your needs. You might just need to be. You might just need to let people barge in and show up how they can. But, eventually it gets to the point where you got to do the work and speak up if you need someone to know your feelings. That can feel really weird and uncomfortable. This song made me feel more connected to that.

Insider detail! Both Sides has a little bit of sarcasm in there. For example, “I’m feeling blue, I’m sorry we won’t always be on cloud nine.” I kind of wrote that out of a tiny bit of angst. Not at any one person, but just that feeling of sorry sometimes I can't help that things are not easy!!

Through the song, I move from keeping things in to save someone from the burden to moving to the idea that the other option could be, “maybe I risk letting you in.” I’m worried if I don’t, it will end up not being fair to you. Or to us. “I’ll probably end up resenting you for it at some point and then we’ll unravel and fall apart, because we’re all just craving to be understood.”

That is the song and how it came to life. Thank you for reading my thoughts on it and thank you for listening. Love this platform and feel connected to the way I can collectively add all of my thoughts, inspiration, and even different little journey’s through each thing I create. Feels like a scrapbook.

Try showing them both sides. Try letting them show you too. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Abby Jane